Pirate for Sale
by Eomer'sFaelwen
Summary: Ruby needs some extra cash for her new bar, and gets Killian to dance on the bar to help. But who will buy their very own personal pirate for the evening? *Based on a scene from Coyote Ugly*


It had been a long day at the station, but after a few beers, Emma was starting to feel the tension drain from her tired body. It wasn't that the day had been eventful exactly, but David was on vacation, which meant that she had had to work from dawn till dusk, managing every cat in a tree type problem that the town had to offer. Dealing with Killian Jones, her deputy, for the majority of the day hadn't exactly been a picnic either.

She glanced at the man seated next to her, still unsettled to see him in "regular" clothes. His pirate garb had been traded for black jeans, a deep red t-shirt, and a black leather jacket. Even she would admit that the new clothes suited him. He was currently chatting with Ruby across the counter as she poured drinks for the other customers.

She couldn't help the small twinge of jealousy that made her beers churn in her stomach. They were just friends, she knew, and good friends at that. Ruby wasn't remotely interested in him, nor he in her, but their verbal sparring matches were interesting to watch, and he had come to appreciate someone whose quick smarmy wit matched his own.

She turned gingerly in her stool as she took another swig of beer, trying to get a better view of the room without hitting the wall of people behind her. The Mad Hatter had really taken off sine Ruby had decided to buy the place. It was still a slightly seedy, hole in the wall type of place, but there was something about the place now that drew people in. On a Saturday night like tonight, it was always packed.

"I just don't know what to do about it, you know?" said Ruby as Emma swung her barstool back around. "I mean, I just need two hundred and fifty more dollars to fix up the bathroom, and I don't know where I'm going to get it! I've already poured too much of my own money into this place as it is! I just broke even last month, and I don't want to take out another loan."

"What happened to the bathroom, Ruby?" asked Emma. She hadn't heard about any incidents at the bar recently.

Ruby rolled her eyes, "Some idiot stumbled a little too hard into the stall and knocked the whole thing over. It was only a matter of time really. The wood was starting to rot through. I'd been hoping to get away with them for another month or two until I saved up enough to re-do them, so it just really sucks. I can't not have a bathroom in a bar!"

"I'm sorry that happened darlin'," chuckled Killian, "If only there was something I could do to help fix your toilets. Oh well," he smirked as he downed the last of his beer.

Emma looked at Ruby, waiting for the swift snarky reply that she expected would follow. Instead, a slow grin spread across her face, her eyes glinting with some malicious evil as she reached beneath the counter and pulled out a bullhorn.

Her eyes flicked back to Killian, who looked suspiciously at the object in Ruby's hand, his beer bottle hovering frozen in mid air above the bar. "Ruby," he said, a hint of worry creeping into his voice, "What are you doing?"

She flashed him an innocent smile. "Well, you _did_ say that you wanted to help..." She looked over at Emma, winking mischievously as she lifted the bullhorn and pressed the button, a loud electronic screech filling the room and drawing everyone's attention to the bar.

"Alright everyone listen up! I've got a special treat for you tonight!" Ruby shouted into the mouthpiece, "For one night only, you can own your very own sexy pirate, fresh off the seven seas! The bidding will start at twenty-five dollars!"

"What?!" Killian said, nearly choking in surprise, "Ruby, are you insane?"

Ruby simply pointed the bullhorn in Killian's face, "Come on sir up on the bar so all the lovely ladies could see you!"

Emma, who had been holding in her laughter as she stared incredulously at the scene developing before her, let out a hysterical laugh as Killian swung around to face her, a look of utter bewilderment on his face. Behind them the crowd was going wild. Wolf whistles and raucous shouts filled the smoky air.

"TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS!" a voice shouted through the din.

Emma's head whipped around to find Ashley waving bills around in the air, a disbelieving grin plastered across her face at what she had just done.

"Babe, what are you doing?!" a disgruntled Shaun shouted from beside her.

"What? He's HOT!" she replied.

Emma let out another disbelieving chuckle as she turned back to Killian. As they locked eyes, a hint of mischief began to flicker behind his eyes. He gave her a shrug as if to say "Why the hell not?" and climbed on top of the bar.

"Hit it Whale!" screamed Ruby. With the clink of a quarter and the press of a button, "Cherry Pie" was playing from the battered jukebox in the corner.

Killian stood on the center of the bar, looking quite unsure of what to do with himself. Emma stared up at him, shaking her head back and fourth slowly with a bemused smile on her lips.

"Come on ladies! This is one prime pirate and he can be all yours!"

"FIFTY DOLLARS!"

"ONE-HUNDRED DOLLARS!" shouted a voice with a thick Scottish brogue. Emma's eyes locked on the speaker, a young woman with wild red hair. She knew her distantly; her mother sometimes practiced archery with her on the weekends. Merida, Emma thought her name was.

By the time Emma looked back around at the bar Killian had lost most of his shyness. He was currently strutting up the bar, heeled boots clicking against the rough wooden bar in time with the music. He paused when he reached her, slipping seductively out of his leather jacket and tossing a roguish wink at her before throwing the black jacket out into the crowd of women that was now pressed against the bar.

"Come on ladies!" encouraged Ruby, "If we get to one fifty the shirt comes off too!"

A roar of approval went up from the woman that surrounded her, and Killian took that as his cue to began gyrating his hips suggestively. She sat there in utter disbelief, unable to comprehend exactly what she was looking at. She caught Ruby's eye and the two of them dissolved into fits of hysterical laughter.

"ONE FIFTY!" yelled Tiana, the young waitress that Ruby had hired last month.

"Off with it Hook!" howled Ruby into the bullhorn.

Hook paused what he was doing on the bar, freezing entirely as he eyed the crowd. They screamed all the louder, encouraging him to do just as Ruby had suggested. Slowly, tantalizingly, he raised his hook to the top of his neck, placing the tip of the glinting metal where shirt met skin. In one swift move, his Hook tore through the thin cotton, exposing his chest and abs to the crowd. The women all went mad, and Emma felt herself being crushed up against the hard edge of the bar. Though she would later deny it, her eyes were glued to the spattering of dark hair that covered his muscular chest.

"TWO-HUNDRED DOLLARS!" screeched Ashley.

"TWO TEN!" yelled Merida.

"TWO TWENTY!" fired back Ashley.

"TWO TWENTY-FIVE!"

"TWO THIRT-"

"TWO FIFTY!" cried Emma, sudden impulse overruling all reason.

"SOLD!" yelled Ruby triumphantly.

A chorus of groans went up from the women around her. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!" screamed Ashley, glaring daggers at Emma.

The sea of women began to disperse, and Killian hopped off the bar, landing neatly beside her. "Well," he snickered, the biggest smirk she had ever seen slipping into place as he moved uncomfortably close, causing Emma's breath to catch in her throat. "Now that you have me, what _will_ you do with me?"

Not one to back down from a challenge, Emma reached into the back pocket of her jeans, sliding out the handcuffs that she kept there. She let them dangle, swing in between her and Hook, her eyes never breaking contact with his own. A slow smile spread across his lips, a different kind of mischievous fire in his eyes. "You're really into this, aren't you?"

She cocked an eyebrow at him, and turned away, dropping the cuffs into his palm as she did. She looked seductively over her shoulder as she reached the door, relishing the way his eyes were devouring her. With a knowing smile, she left the bar, leaving him to follow in her wake.


End file.
